UKC

One in here to the left of a vertical hand crack called "To the left of Dawn".

Not PC exactly but a boulder problem called "Slap the fat bitch"

You must have some gems? Pete

In reply to Pete W: mohammed the mad monk of moorside hiome for mental misfits - denham quarry
the campaign for see-through bikinis - somewhere in s.wales.

In reply to dominic_s:

an alabuse in Cathedral quarry, lakes

In reply to Pete W:
I still don't think "Kipling Groove" has been bettered

In reply to Pete W: The Rev. Ian Paisley Memorial Gully on Beinn Dearg.

In reply to Pete W:

The peak is full of gritstoners humping their designer crash mats around - Cheddar Gorge

Lusty wedlock needs coil of prevention - Portland

A dream of brown trousers - Avon Gorge

In reply to Pete W:
Do androids dream of electric sheep - Horseshoe quarry.

Has to be one of the best route names around.

In reply to Pete W:

I like 'Groved Arete' because repetition is comedy.

In reply to steev:

Four routes next to each other

"You love your mum"
"I loved your mum"
"Your mum was right"
"Your mum was tight"

"Oedipus call your mother" Was quite funny. Pete

In reply to Adam Moroz:

This is actually the original title of the book on which the film Blade runner was based

In a similar vein

"A vroom with an ewe" on some minor high level lake district crag

In reply to Pete W:

beer and sex and chips and gravy, somewhere in the lakes i fink..

In reply to wildcountryfriend:

Macc lads song

In reply to Pete W:

2 of my faves, dreaming of green ants at reiff and poly retsina no good at odyssey on kalymnos

In reply to Pete W:

There is a route called "Poultry in Motion" on a crag in Wales whose name was originally mis-translated as "Hen Crag".

Satanic traVerses on Tophet Wall.

Bob

In reply to Pete W:

'Normal, The Cutest Kitten In The World' made me laugh recently.

In reply to catt:

I always wanted to lead a new route in brilliant sunshine in Spain and call it "Retsinal Burn"

In reply to The Crow: There's a route on either Pabbay or Mingulay called The Shag who Spied Me.

In reply to The Crow:
It would be more amusing if you did it in Greece instead

In reply to Simon Caldwell: Tufa king hard

Want to do it for the name alone!

In reply to Anonymous: Thats why it sounded familiar, it was one of those things that i knew but couldn't remember.

In reply to Pete W:
has to be bosch bastards
allan

In reply to Simon Caldwell:

True, but I've only ever drunk Retsina in Spain and never been to Greece.

I now have an excuse. Thank-you!

In reply to Pete W:
A couple of Australian ones:

Pit Simitri (that's Pet Cemetery in a kiwi accent)

Nurse, Increase the Sedative

Jug Abuse

In reply to Adam Moroz:

"Oedipus call your mother" as mentioned above and "strapadictomy" are classics but the "Das Goat" series in the Lowland Outcrops always makes me chuckle...

In reply to Pete W:

There's one in my part of France called La Catastrophe, I like that name...

In reply to Pete W:
'Reset portion of galley 37'...... a typesetters error that became a route name!

In reply to Pete W & JLS:
It's actually "Oedipus, Ring Your Mother!"

In reply to DaveC at Work:

"Call" your mother does detract from the joke somewhat!

In reply to Pete W:

maybe something on Giggleswick Scar?

In reply to Pete W:

"Blood and Guts on Botty Street", at Millstone, Hells Bells area - an unprotected E5 6b arete

In reply to Pete W: How about "Stop the gutless bolters" and "Stop the buttless gloaters" next door at turning stone edge.

"Amnesia...um...um...ARETE" at Stanage.

In reply to Pete W:

Top Totty

harpur hill

the totty section.

should be called top choss

'Ken Dodd's Dad's Dogs Dead' - Up in Harpur Quarry!

In reply to Simon Caldwell:

Except that "*" (same first ascentionist, same crag) is so called because the climber 'as to risk a lot to climb it, and not because the original name was too obscene for the guidebook.

Don't know what is true: a nice story, though.

Y.

In reply to Pete W:

Australia has such classics as "Tschaicovsky makes my dog fart" and "Professor Wigginsworth's Chunder Bucket",
just plain silly.

In reply to Pete W:
How about Mass debate at Sand point...quite a good un
Sam

In reply to Pete W:

"Juan Cur" is a good one, at Ramshaw - See Western Grit for reason

In reply to S i'm on & on:
Some more really stupid Oz names:
"Get Your Bloody Fingers Out of My Nostrils" at Mt. Arapiles (reportedly overheard during a fight in the pub at Natimuk.)
and on the same wall:
"Dropkick the F**king Carburettor Down the Pines" - in honour of a local climber who, when trying to fix his car in the campsite (known as The Pines), lost his temper and hoofed the offending item down the car park, breaking his foot in the process!

In reply to Pete W:

Various routes on Creagh Dubh - Newtonmore combine humorous rudery with punning and spoonerisms.

'Strapadicktaemi' springs to mind.

In reply to Pete W: Oh yeah, 'My Crane and my camel' is definately one of the cleverest Ive seen- F.A. Mike Raine and Mike Hammill
Sam

In reply to KeithW:


Shouldn't that be Nermal? At least, that's the name of the cute kitten in Garfield (iirc)...

In reply to Pete W:
I'm sure i've climbed a route at stanage called "spearing the bearded clam".

In reply to Pete W:

One of mine on the Maiden sea stacks (the one without the cave through the base) was a bit loose and was meant to be called "Too Loose for a Virgin",

however due to a cock-up when registering the route, it is now known as "Maiden without a Hole"

Slightly more risqué than intended.

In reply to Pete W:

Look mum, there's vikings on the tundra again. (Lancashire somewhere)

Welcome to Barrow, gateway to oblivion. (In a quarry in Dalton just outside Barrow, funnily enough)

Phallus through the looking lass. (Cadair Idris somewhere).

Victim of Mathematics

In reply to Alan Stark: aye, ruff licks is another amusing one at Creagh Dubh

Minjeeta at Reiff is another classic

In reply to Pete W:

'Michael Knight Wears a Chest Wig' at Wimberry

I also like 'Dangerous Crocidile Snogging' unfortuantly a lot of the comedy names seem to be on really hard stuff.

In reply to Pete W:

Take That Effing Chalk Bag Off, Or I'll Nick Your Rope And Give It To Terry "The Chainsaw" Tullis And He'll Keep It For Ever And Ever 6a

at Harrisons made me chuckle.

In reply to DannyB: thats a pish route name

In reply to Pete W:
I had a memorable afternoon at Tryfan Fach, Ogwen valley, N wales with a group of beginners. It was decided that the exising guide book routes were boring ( Crack 1,2,3, Slab 1,2,3 etc). The theme of the route names seemed centered around 'forbidden love', a route name given to a line which passes over the Quartz boil about 20 meters up. Most of the route names are not suitable for this forum, but someone had a nasty slip while attempting 'Chocolate starfish' (V Diff).

In reply to Pete W: Pc Plod and the gay dwarves go to the tupperware party @ Wilton 3

"Slurp the savoury oyster"

In reply to Mr Burns:

Dear Mr Burns

Do you think Tryfan Fach, is the funniest name where there is climbing?

Norrie

In reply to Pete W:

Cemetery Gates has a sort of Black Humour to it.

How about "the snivelling shit" -millstone.

In reply to Pete W:

'F*ck Face' HVS @ lower Cave Crag (Dunkeld).

Dougal Haston's v sign to the establishment in the 60's.

In reply to Pete W:
In Devon - these made me smile -

Twittering crack
Vacancy at the Vatican (recently apt)
Saturday Night Finger
Odin, your tea's ready
More steam, bigger women
...king Hell
Down with his pants
Discuss the thoughts of Chairman Mao
Crispy duck, no noodles
Captain Buttwash
Cod gives you a stiffy
Balls of a child

In reply to Pete W:

"kevin and his perverse (sp) frog" cant remember where but i think the same crag has "alan and his sycadelic (sp) trousers" if anyone knows where it is?

In reply to Geoff Arnold:

So called because that was how the first ascencionist felt durring the multiple attempts and the final ascent.

In reply to Mr Burns:


Is actually a route at Crocklets beach, Bude http://www.javu.co.uk/Climbing/NewRoutes/NorthDevonCornwall.shtml#crooklett...

In reply to Adam Moroz: A classic book too!

In reply to Pete W: "Bimbo the Exploding Lorry Drivers Gulch Eliminate" Staden Quarry
"Princess Annes Crack" Some limestone crag in the Peak

In reply to Mark Page:

Is that a Chris Callow route?

In reply to Pete W:

I Suppose a Comorant's out of the Question? (Galloway Seacliffs)

In reply to Pete W:

Spread the Donkey?

In reply to Pete W:

Big Diddies.

In reply to Pete W:

The Diddymen.

In reply to Pete W:

Squiddly-Diddly.

In reply to Stephen Reid:

Best one yet!

The Navy Way

at High Rocks is next to...

Rum,Bum and Biscuits

In reply to Pete W:

Cunning Linguistics at the Alcove, Wanaka NZ

In reply to Pete W:

Snot and Bogey Pie.

In reply to Pete W: I always liked the literary allusions - Tequila Mockingbird, Four Door Doestoevsky...

In reply to Pete W: What's the one about Mr. Dali and the amazing circus of fleas, or something, I think I saw it in a Froggat book, but can't see it in the one I've got.

"Don't Jizz on my Sofa" - Barland Quarry, Gower
"Slurp the Savoury Oyster" - Witches Point, Nr. Ogmore
"Three Turd Slab" - Pant Quarry, Nr. Ogmore

In reply to Pete W:
How about
cytitis by proxy - rainbow slabs

The electric spanking of war babies - gogarth

Sexual salami - upper tier of pant ifan, tremadog

The tormented ejeculation - cloggy (OK debateable as whether it's a route and bettered now by masters wall and the indian face)

In reply to Skyhook:

Repetition Timmy! Hows the joints? Put a couple of pictures of the southern limestone down by Frankenjura on the profile just to give you an idea. Once I work out how to sort out the webpage I'll sort out a link to show you the other pictures.

In reply to DannyB: also at harrisons:

trip of the psychadelic tortoise

it may be green and slimey but its not a teenage mutant ninja turtle

In reply to callumclimber:

Touching cloth on Siula Grande

In reply to Pete W:

A new route in the Mendips comewhere called Norfolk in Chance

Made me smile

In reply to Pete W:

Tufa King Hard, Chapel Head

Cunning Stunts, Pillar Rock

How to stuff a wild bikini, Llangattock

Never trust a smiling cat, Yat

"Vice is nice" next to "but incest is best" ??

In reply to Pete W:

'Like a dick only smaller' @ Barrow Scout Cove (Sandbag at HVS)
Only funny for women I think !

how about "strapadictome" which is at stanage i think and i don't think I have spelt it correctly.

In reply to epik:


This sounds like a reference to a Pink Floyd track on the album Atom Heart Mother called "Alan's Psychedelic Breakfast"

In reply to Pete W:

'The Shag who spied me' on the Shagadelic Buttress, Pohara,NZ

In reply to Pete W: Bitch Itch (Nowra NSW OZ)!

In reply to Pete W: Rex Hunts Love Child (Point Perpendicular) or Murdoch the Horse Fu@#er Nowra NSW OZ

In reply to Piers Harley: you spelled it correctly but it is at froggat not stanage

In reply to callumclimber: You spelt it incorrectly. Its Froggatt not Froggat!

In reply to peterbull: That should be 'It's Froggatt...'

In reply to callumclimber:

and he didn't, it's strapadictomy...

I can't believe no-one's mentioned clive coolhead etc... at roaches lower tier.

Unfortunately I can't remember the full name as I'm a few hundred miles away from my guide and rockfax only has the shortened version but sure someone can fill it in!

In reply to Pete W:
Couple of recent ones on Kalymnos...

Tufa King Pumped
Kaly Minogue

In reply to Pete W:
Perhaps it should be explained that the Kipling Groove on Gimmer Crag was named because the first ascentionist, A.R. Dolphin, thought it was "ruddy hard".
Most of the names put forward on this forum are just names, with no reason behind them, therefore not very funny. Anyone can come up with a punchline, but without the body of the joke, it's not funny.
Desperately Sea King on Esk Butress is named after a Navy helicopter crashed into the carg, and a part of a rotor blade was found on a ledge of that route.
Lets have a reason behind the name.

In reply to Removed User:

Dear ITS

Is that right, I thought it was named Kipling Groove, because it was a piece of cake.

Norrie

In reply to Norrie Muir:

Norrie, you are old enough to know that Mr Kipling was invented after Kiplings groove was done.

Another route that has no vowels or consonants by the original guidebook writers was replaced by a word, what was it?

In reply to sutty:
Dear sutty

And young enough to know the first person to free it.

Norrie

In reply to Pete W:

Bum Droplets - Blacknor

In reply to Pete W:
I always used to wonder whether anyone actually found these sub-Carry-On oo-er-that-sounds-a-bit-rude innuendos-as-route-names remotely funny. Reading this thread I seem to have my answer :-|

In reply to Simon Caldwell:

Spaced out rockers on the road to oblivion- at reiff

In reply to Dan Richardson:
Toad in the Hole at Mt. Arapiles - named to describe the crux rockover.

In reply to Removed User:
Apologies for having forgotten most of the details, but one of the most prolific Wye Valley climbers was cleaning a route when his rope broke / ab ripped and he sustained massive head injuries; luckily he was in one of the few places where a helicopter could get to. Some time later he returned and there are now a fair few routes such as "Head Tennis". Maybe someone with a guide book could find the others (I think there's one involving helicopters as well)

In reply to Pete W:
Nist as a Pute
Dyslexics of the world Untie
The fat Texan in the corner
25 bolts to the gallon

and the one still to be done:
Twotoncarmoon by Ben Moon

Stu

In reply to Pete W: Armed,dangerous and off medication....cant remember where.

'OH GOD WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE' aUSTRIA

In reply to Pete W:
Quite fond of 'Squid Vicious' at Fast castle sea cliffs.

In reply to Pete W: Did a new route years ago and called it Big Wave; sitting on the top belay some 80 feet up, a wave soaked my feet. My somewhat Jaques Cousteau'd second, came up with the name '20,000 leagues under the sea' having undergone complete immersion. We flipped a coin and it remained at Big Wave; it's often that the story is far more amusing than the name. If only guidebooks had room for the story of the route name - there's an idea!

In reply to Pete W:

forgotten where it is possibly Californian area,

Watch Me Wallaby Wank Frank

always made me laugh

In reply to chris j:


Fortunately, I can:

"Clive Coolhead Realises the Excitement of Knowing You May Be the Author of Your Own Death is More Intense Than Orgasm"

:¬)
H.D.

"It's just very sustained".

In reply to Jingo Wobbly:

"If only guidebooks had room for the story of the route name - there's an idea!"

Invariably they do - it's often in the FA list at the back.

Bob

In reply to Pete W: stack of nude book meets the stick man
fat slapper

In reply to Pete W:
Visually Stunning Underpants
Cleanliness (next to Godliness)

In reply to jimbo g:

Didn't this result in "Gary Gibson - The changing face of British Rock Climbing" Poor taste but funny.

In reply to Pedro50:

harsh, yet funny.

miles

In reply to Pete W:
Autobahnausfahrt - Polldubh -> only because my mate has issues with names of places and other languages, and before we knew this climb exisited, that was his 'German' word

The Amazing Adventures of Smelly MacMoist - Polldubh -> And I found this in the back of the guide book; "So named, as the belayer of the title had failed to rendezvous at the crag, and had instead crawled behind a boulder and fallen asleep!"

In reply to Pete W: How about this one from Moel y Gest (Tremadog guide book): 'Sailor Bob's Furry Spru Stool', or 'Harvey Proctor's Spanking Slap' at Tremadog.

In reply to thor: Down south on the white stuff, how about "Careless Chalk Costs Lives"? There are some other mildly appropriate ones too: The Great White Fright springs to mind.

Poultry in Motion remains my favourite however, though I did enjoy Recess Monkey next to Slab abd Recess on the Gribin Facet.

In reply to Pete W: At Bibbington Qry.
1 - How many people who have worked at Ellis Brighams in Manchester have ever been out on the hill.
(next route)2 - One
(next route)3 - Or Perhaps None

Stu

In reply to Pete W:

Somewhere in Pembroke there is a route which finishes up a section of cave, so you top out through a hole some way back from the cliff edge.

Route name = Subterranean Rabbit Launcher.

In reply to Kevin Forde:
On Homs crag on the Llyen(sp?) North Wales
'The ideal homs expedition'

In reply to arse:

Schist as a Newt

Tynrich Slabs - Loch Ruthven

In reply to Pete W:

Shy T'hawk -- on Jebel Idhn (UAE)(pronounced 'idden)

You climb over where the bird had been roosting.

In reply to Pete W:
Grope on a Rope....

In reply to catt:

is that the same as "where green ants dream?"

In reply to dave_strachan:

"Weapons of ass destruction"

Pete