UKC

Today would have been my kid brother's Neil 60th birthday........

Who? I hear you ask?

Neil was just one of the new group of 'speed climbers' based in Sheffield in the late '70's & early '80's and particularly the group who congregated at the cafe in Stoney Middleton. Some of the group went on to be (in)famous inside & outside the climbing fraternity but sadly many are no longer with us, and Neil is one of those. Whilst climbing with the group in Pembroke in October '82, I'm not sure where, he had a bad fall & spent 4 weeks in a coma in Morriston Hospital. I travelled there on my old Norton and spent several days sat by him, holding his hand and talking crap. This obviously disturbed him enough to jog him out of the coma & eventually he was transferred to Sheffield hospital from where he was discharged in January '83. Then began the long rehabilitation - physically he was only a shadow of his former self and the head injury had significantly affected his peripheral vision, the importance of which you all know. He spent almost every waking hour either in the gym (almost unheard of then) or on the climbing wall at the Poly (sorry, Hallam Uni.......). He knew that he could not climb to the standard of his previous buddies but also knew that he wanted to keep pushing himself, soloing back at his old haunts. I just hoped that he would get strong enough & fit enough before the reaper cut him down. Sadly, that was not to be, and on 19th July 1983 Neil fell whilst soloing on Wasted, dying at the scene, aged just 21.

I hope that none of you ever experience grief like that. I was 2 years older than Neil and I literally could not speak for over 2 weeks. To all of you who came to the 'funeral' at the Friends Meeting House in Sheffield, a very belated 'thank you'. You probably thought me rather odd, but not being from Sheffield or a climber (discounting a bit in the Scouts) I knew nobody, and the pain was just too much. Similarly, the scattering of the ashes at Stoney was a dreadful experience. I have been there many times since and it's still painful - and no caf......

It's nearly 40 years now since Neil died, and whilst not forgotten, it has been pushed away, only a few years ago I actually threw away the birthday card I received from him, which arrived the day before he died (and a week after my birthday!!). Thinking "I must let this go". Now I wish I hadn't. Sending birthday cards was not something Neil did! Last Christmas I was given a copy of Jerry Moffat's autobiography with the comments "I think you knew him?" That brought all the memories flooding back & then friends just seemed to start tripping over bits on the web.....

As kids Neil & I were inseparable, living an idyllic 'Boys Own' lifestyle in North Yorkshire in the late '60's & early '70's. Building dens, go-carts & boats, sailing & canoeing on the Derwent, camping, a bit of climbing & getting into all sorts of 'good' trouble!! Oblivious to the real world. At secondary school, Neil's troubles started - an IQ of 152 but Dyslexia was not understood & he found himself in the bottom set at school & extremely unhappy. My parents got him a free place at Breckonborough School, near Thirsk. A disaster for me & tbh, not much better for Neil. I lost my playmate overnight, and I'm horrified to say, that over the next 3 1/2 years I can only remember visiting him once. Our parents divorced, the family home was sold, our mother went back to Uni in York, our Dad went to work in Germany and by 15 I was living on my own in a semi derelict house. (Looking back, I'm amazed I wasn't taken into Care). Neil left school with 2 crap GCSE's, really not a good outcome. The highlight of his time at Breckonborough was taking his pet grass snake to vet 'James Herriott' who was unable to help.... He went on to an "Apprenticeship" at Newstead Riding Centre near Darlington, who were truly horrible, and where he lived in an old caravan for 2 years. In that time, I only managed to speak to Neil twice on the phone, which was located in the farmhouse hallway, as was the norm. He must have SO lonely in those pre mobile phone days. I wish that I had done more, but from age 13 to 22, I lived in exactly 25 different locations & my life was not the easiest. Later on I started to race motorcycles, with some success, and I can assure you that funerals & hospitals are not domains reserved for climbers - almost absurdly, to protect my mother, I never told her about my racing activities!!

Neil left the stables in '79, aged 18 & went to live with his mother in Sheffield. Signing on the dole & becoming a full time climber, with the tiniest bedsit in Broomhill. Any of you who went there would have been astonished not only at the tiny floorspace (I just managed to sleep on it once) but also at the range of hundreds of books, many 'heavy' Russian authors etc! Not the norm for a youngster who proclaimed that a near empty grit bin was the ideal overnight accommodation!! He took me bouldering a couple of times early on, and I was amazed at the strength in his fingers, and he talked excitedly about the routes he was planning & the people he was climbing with - non of which meant much to me.

Apologies for the ramble, if anyone has any photos or memories of Neil that they would like to share with me it would be great to hear from you. I have virtually nothing from age 12 onwards. Looking back, I think that, mostly as a result of his various life experiences, Neil was a very inwardly unhappy character which encouraged him to take poor risks. I have responded differently to those challenges, and I have tried to ensure that MY son, who is more like Neil than me (!) KNOWS that he is loved - so important.

In reply to andy25:

That's very moving Andy.

Sounds like you did more to support your brother than many young lads, who were also going through a difficult time, would have.

In reply to andy25:

Hi Andy,

People cared about Neil, they really did. The problem was that, back then, nobody really said much about personal stuff. It was as though, if we just climbed hard enough, everything would somehow be OK. Only it wasn't.

I didn't know about his dyslexia. The IQ figure doesn't surprise me. He was ridiculously bright. Again it was dimly assumed that the higher the IQ the better. Not so. Lennon warned us in 'Working Class Hero' - 'They hate you if you're clever and they despise a fool.' Wise words. We should have taken more heed of them.

I guess you got the email I send to your friend. The article 'Ashes' still feels like ripping my skin off. It can't have been cheerful reading for you. But at least it's evidence that somebody cared.

It's understandable that you somehow feel you could have done more. But, as said above, you probably couldn't have. Sometimes we just have to be kind to ourselves, not give ourselves a hard time.

You've got my phone number. I'm out almost all of tomorrow but otherwise feel free to phone at any time.

Hopefully other people will come on here and relate their memories of Neil.

All best wishes,

Mick

In reply to andy25:

Thanks for posting that. I don't know if I ever met Neil, but as I was living in Calver at the time and climbed regularly at Stoney I probably did meet him. I remember that we were climbing in the Pass on the day he died, although I can't remember what we did. We only heard about the accident when we went to Pete's Eats for tea. 

In reply to andy25:

Hi Andy,

I was one of the group of young climbers to whom Stoney Middleton was a spiritual home and the base of all operations in the late seventies and early eighties and, as such, I came into regular contact with your brother Neil (Noddy).

I can’t pretend to have known him well, but he always came across as a bright, likeable and enthusiastic ‘young lad’…I was only 4 years older, but that’s quite a lot at that age and his slight physique only added to the impression of his youth.

Neil was usually so full of bounce and enthusiasm that I didn’t find out about his inner turmoil until after his death — he hid it so well. It’s incredibly sad to think of his mental suffering through those years, but as Mick (Ward) said in an earlier post, ‘feelings’ were simply not something that aspiring young climbers would open up to each other about at the time, and Neil was no exception.

You and I must have met — I came to Neil’s memorial service at the Friends Meeting House in Sheffield. I remember it being a beautiful summer’s day. I was also one of the small party of climbers who came out with you and your Mum after the service to spread Neil’s ashes at Stoney and to toast him with big mugs of tea in Eric’s café. It (the spreading of ashes) was a surreal experience for all concerned — not least because of the presence of other climbers on the crag — and I can understand that you found it deeply upsetting.

But to the best of my memory, in life, your brother was never happier than when traversing the lower walls of the Minus Ten and Wee Doris bays, so I can’t think of a finer resting place for his spirit…

Best wishes,

Pete.
 

In reply to andy25:I was in Pembroke when Neil had his fall on Murray’s Wall, falling the full height of the cliff, ripping his gear to land on the boulders below. My brother Phil and Ihelped aid the rescue but he picked a pretty lethal route which had an awful’ top out’ which we had done earlier  that day: very,very sad

In reply to andy25:

I used to bump into him at the Poly Gym as I trained there at the time. I also worked with your mum around the same time as she was doing some work with the Sheffield City Councils Housing Department. 
Thanks for writing this very personal and moving piece!  It was all very sad!

In reply to andy25:

Hi Andy

i only ever met Neil the once, at Stoney when he was bouldering at Minus Ten with Jerry, but that’s another story.

A while ago I uploaded some photos from a collection by the late Simon Horrocks. One of them is Neil, I believe.

If you’re on Facebook, the album is here:

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.115405983249621&type=3

All the best.

Phil

In reply to andy25:

Hi Andy,

What a moving piece you wrote there.

I had some really great fun times with your brother. We first met at Stoney Middleton, I asked Neil if he had anyone to climb with and he said, “no”.  We hooked up and climbed together often for the next couple of years. 
We hitchhiked all over the country, dossing out in bus shelters and public toilets. So many great memories. He was a great friend and I still think of him often.

I lost my younger brother at 21 so I know how it feels. I have which I’d like to give to you, Neils cherished guide books and his Chouinard peg hammer which he was so proud of. I also have 4 Black and white photographs of Neil climbing on Grit from 1980 . The date and route are written on the back in Neil’s writing. 

If you give your details to the Foundry climbing centre in Sheffield I’ll contact you. The number is (0114) 279 6331

In reply to andy25:

Thanks for posting this thread. It was over 40 years ago, but I do recall meeting Noddy in the Moon and the caff at Stoney.  He was just one of those quiet lads who enjoyed being around the stars of the day. It was lovely reading about him again.  Cheers.

In reply to Alan Phizacklea:

I remember him well. He was nearly always with Jerry and Andy P. We used to all spend hours at Stoney, traversing and soloing silly routes. Ron still does, traversing that is.

In reply to andy25:

Thank you to all of you that have taken the time to reply to my post, both within & outside the Forum. I'm astounded at the number of reads & it has been brilliant to hear from those who knew Neil at the time, as much as 'knowing' a climber can be achieved, cos the dedicated few tend not to be very sociable.

We can't spend too long looking back, must live for the future, but having just returned from another weekend racing motorcycles which has yielded a room full of trophies over the years, I would urge our younger & more aspirational members to manage the risks you take, that doesn't mean not getting the adrenalin pumping, but no one will be reading your biography if your ashes are scattered on the rocks when you are still in your twenties.

All the best

Andy Molnar

In reply to andy25:

Nice post; thanks.

I didn't know your brother at all, but I remember the day the fall happened; I was a beginner spending my first days climbing at Cloggy (and watching one poster on this thread make a little history). We had been camping there and came down on the day, and people in the pub in the evening were talking about it. You don't get much introspection with climbers on these occasions, but even so I sensed a collective feeling of shock. It was a bit of an eye-opener for me at the time, and your post brought it back.

jcm 

In reply to andy25:

Andy, I've much less add than some posters but I'm another who knew Neil very slightly, probably just from being in the cafe or pub at the same. I too was in Wales the day he died and the sense of shock was palpable. The loss was really felt. 

In reply to andy25:

Hi Andy,

I'm afraid I've got nothing to add about your brother but I just wanted to say that I found your post and the responses both moving and interesting.

All the best,

Dave

In reply to BlownAway:

Some good photos there.